Friday, August 03, 2007

Comment on Post "A Story in First Person: Gamal Speaks from Egypt"

Hello 'Gamal'.

Abit about me : Gay Arab 22y born and living in an Arab Country (and yes with parents and no they dont entirely know about me).

Before I start I would like to thank you for having the courage to write about this. But what I am going to write to you might be harsh. But do not take it the wrong way, I am here to help.

Yes, when the time you first get the feeling of getting attracted toward another man, you just feel that you are the only person on earth having this strange feelings. And it is true that it is not in our hands to be which sexuality. It is not a choice; it just comes in birth 'bulit in' (genetics that I believe in).

You will hear so many people say, a person is gay, because he was raped or abused by a man especially when young, or because father is a bad guy just hitting him, or even that because you have gay friends, etc etc.. And it is all bull, none is true. If you were abused or raped in chilhood, that will actually make you hate men not sexually arouse you. But for some it is like a trigger that hey i like it with a man, like the trigger for some might be looking at their male teachers, drivers, friends, each person's trigger is different.

Now talking about your parents, it is so typical for arab families to threaten; because we are week towards them. But i tell you what, you are not obliged to accept what they say, your only duty is give them respect but NOT respecting their wishes or fullfilling their needs, wants and wishes.

Ya Gamal, those who love you will try to understand you, they dont need to accept it, but they can understand. Parents, family members, friends, who threaten you for money, for house, for friendship for what so ever, do not really love you. You need to start depending on your self and make them feel that you can live without their help. Do not make yourself helpless in front of them, even toward your relative that you adore more, if he damn loved you one bit, he/she would never react that way.

Say to yourself and to others, that you are not going to torture yourself in going into this money making therapies and degrading immoral inhuman therapies. Yes I know life can be tough in Egypt, but dude you are a graduate and you need to try harder to depend on yourself.

Now about listening to your parents needs and wishes. I simply call it just blackmails of parenting. Mothers will start saying I wanna see you married before I die, and once you are married her story flips into I want to see my grand children before I die. This is so typical manipulation. And please do not get offended, I am not trying to disrespect your parents, I am just telling you the plain truth. Even if you were Straight, it is your choice who and when to marry, and it is your choice to get and when to get kids or not.

Now if you stick upon your parents wishes, here is a glimpse of what and how you will like like:

1. You will get married to a women you do not love.
2. You will not be able to make love correctly with her because your emotions and thoughts are somewhere else, thus not being fair to her too.
3. Your mind will be imagining guys that you like while she is next to you.
4. You even might have problems getting it up while in bed with her, and you might start using tools to please you to get it up and of course your thoughts are on the guys.
5. You will be frustrated and will start cheating your wife to go out with guys, which causes more lies more deceits etc etc.
6. If you do get a child or children, you want be able to give full concentration to them. And what if your child would be gay, how would you deal it with your wife.
7. Depression for not having what you want.
8. Two lifes one for public, and one for yourself.
9. Regreting the things you have done.
.... And the list goes on ...

So habibi, you got to choose what you want, nobody else. Dramas, manipulations, threatnings, if you let those things control you, you will suffer.

Lastly, you are not a shame for anybody. Its just a shame that parents do not converse with their kids but rather threaten them. Again, you do not need to be ashamed of yourself for anything. Plus, keep God close to you, and doesn't matter what people think. And I hope somebody sometime stop those cruel so called doctors from what they are doing.

Thanks and please take nothing personally. I am not attacking or trying to hurt anyone.

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