Time to give the posting space to someone (of course, Gamal is not his real name) who's got a lot to say. This narration I received on the email, and I'm publishing as is, with only some orthographic editing. So, let's give voice to the once voiceless, and you all say with me: "You are not alone".
This might be as a biography of a simple person who came to this world and did nothing wrong in this life but finding himself the way he is. Since puberty I discovered myself attracted to the same sex. I was raised up in Saudi Arabia but got nothing to talk about sex there. I was always touching myself imagining that one of my teachers was doing it. Anyhow I considered my self weird and this feeling needs to be buried because no one is similar to me. Then I came back to my country when I was 17 years old with those feelings tearing me apart, knowing that there is nothing like this in this life. Till I finished college then a friend of mine gave me a chatting program on the computer. It was shocking to discover that there are millions like me all over the world. I started meeting people at the age of 23. I am straight looking and acting, which is really something I like about myself because this may be homosexuality but it’s still men seeking men. Anyhow, the tragedy began when a member of my family saw some pictures and movies on my computer.
I ended up telling my parents about it. I said to myself I have to be honest to every one including myself, so I told them that I’m not attracted to women, only to men, and this was the start of my nightmare, including the way they looked at me, the way they dealt with me . One of my family members whom I really adore more than myself even threatened me about never looking at me again, and my family said they would cut me off from every penny. I was silent as I had nothing to do because I know that this issue is against every religion, but I kept wondering if God made me like this or if I am sick being gay, and why should I suffer of something I got nothing to do with it?!
I’d wish things were stable on this limit, but what happened is that they decided to get me cured, and this was the start of the torture for every one: for them cause they thought there is a healing, and for me because that’s what u will figure out all after reading the story of torture I have been through.
When they asked me to go to a doctor I said this belongs to a shrink so I chose shrink through a friend. This shrink was really open-minded and up-to-date in every thing. When I told him the story he said you got nothing wrong with yourself you can go and live abroad as you can’t live here. We tell people here that homosexuality is a disease so they won’t kill homosexual people. I told my family this result and they didn't get convinced. They sent me next time to an acupuncture Doctor with needles. I don’t know what’s homosexuality got to do with such a thing, but I said yes cause every time I refuse they threatened me of kicking me out of the family house, cut me of money, as my salary cant afford me a good living or even a fair one, so I went with them to the acupuncture guy. he assumed that he is a doctor but believe me he doesn’t even look like a vet. The way he dealt with other people’s diseases was really awful. Imagine a person dealing with serious problems like cancer with acupuncture devoting people that this will help.
This guy was putting me through sessions of inserting long needles into my groin area and other areas in my arms and legs then connect them with electricity at minor voltage which was really so painful that actually pain doesn’t even describe the feeling I got when he inserted his needles inside me. Imagine what after connecting them to the micro voltage electricity. At the time I stepped out of the office I had an accident. Every time I go I keep crying as a babe and keep asking god why me?!
Then I told my family that I was not getting any progress with this guy, so they sent me to another venereal doctor who was specialized in treating sexual impotence. When he saw me he started asking me do u believe in God; and he started talking to me as if am a devil’s advocate. I said to him I do believe in God and I believe in prophets. Then he said those things are repairable by surgery. What surgery I didn’t know, but I told my family this guy is crazy I swear he is crazy. but they didn’t believe me, only till he kept delaying my appointments, then family said he has no experience in this field; so he sent me to another shrink who did the same by delaying my appointments, and then I stopped going to him, till my family said there is a sex therapist who studied in the USA and is able to cure you. She is so famous in this country. A veiled woman talking about sex and she treats married normal couples. I went to her, then she started to criticize every thing in me; kept asking even my straight friends, my relatives, to check on things she said, like the way I talk, the way I walk… none of them mentioned any thing. I felt that she was trying to destroy my self-confidence, and that affected my work as I started to not be able to talk fluently; I started babbling, you know this disease.
So I decided to stop seeing her. Now my family they think I am cured.
Imagine every time I go to any doctor how do I feel?
Each doctor kept taking about money in spite of knowing that there is no treatment.
I understand why my family did so because they wanted me to be a normal son and to see my sons.
And I don’t know if God made me like this, why people make me suffer?
I figured out that the solution will be immigrating to another country, but without giving any shame to my family, because I still adore them, so you can feel the agony I feel every day when you love someone and he doesn’t understand you.